In our busy lives, the sheer volume of tasks to be done and distractions to be had can overwhelm us and our connections often suffer as a result. How many times does your partner attempt to talk to you and you find yourself on autopilot barely registering what they’re saying? It happens a lot. Even when we’re engaged in meaningful conversation, thoughts can take over.
Or it may be, that you’re feeling close enough to each other to start getting intimate, but still the mind finds itself racing with thoughts about things that simply don’t belong in the little bubble you have created for each other.
It may be that your awareness kicks in and says ‘stop thinking’! But incessant thinking is generally a condition of a nervous system whose bandwidth has been completely overridden with noise and the stress of everyday living.
The irony is, if you try and stop thinking, it tends to make it worse. What you’re actually doing is attending to the thoughts more than you’re feeling what your body, and your heart, are telling you.All we can do with our conscious awareness is set an intention to surrender. Surrender to the moment. Surrender to the feelings that are coming up – both pleasant and not so pleasant. For both love and sex can activate all the emotions we are capable of feeling, and storing up. Our hearts, and our loins, have much emotional baggage stored up within them.
Embrace spontaneity, for in it lies access to a never-ending road of good feeling. Engage in foreplay, verbal, and physical, and activate every part of the other person’s body whenever time allows. Lots of attention to every nerve centre in the body will stimulate greater flows of that magic energy we can tap into via love and intimacy. It’s easy to focus on the parts of the body that seem to generate the most powerful responses, but what is less understood within our culture is that there are other areas of our anatomy which offer the promise of an even greater sense of expansion and union. Every individual has far greater capacity for love and expansion than they realise.
A sense of the infinite is possible, shared infinity is possible, not just for a few seconds, but for minutes, even hours. But if we wish to open the doorway to our partner’s heart, the most important thing is to be present and to feel them at every level. Not merely presence, but also sensory acuity to where every part of them is at.
It is equally important to embrace our energetic core. Is your energy predominantly masculine or feminine? Whatever it is, embrace it. In our sexually neutral world, it can be hard to maintain our energetic gifts, and to let them shine. Let yourself be your true self. Let your lover, partner or confidante feel that within you and may you both enjoy the virtuosity that comes from letting your innate energies dance with each other.
Present moment awareness is the by-product of a stress and stimulation free nervous system. Feeling infinity, and a sense of celestial expansion is a by-product of a more refined nervous system – one that has experienced regular doses of transcendence and its gloriously underrated cousin, ‘borderline transcendence’.
Keep meditating, keep feeling, keep attending to the sensations that arise within you, and honour your energetic core so that the divine play of your energies keeps you alive with a sense of a continual dance and playful interaction. Open yourself as best you can each day. As your nervous system develops, you will find that your energy is indeed dancing with theirs. You will notice that as you attend to different parts of their internal world, they will spontaneously respond in wonderful and surprising ways. And when you give all of yourself to them, they will open up like a flower and all their fears will melt away, for a moment, then for the entire dance. You can heal each other with more and more virtuous loving.
Enjoy love and sex, not as a means of relieving need or stress, which is what you see a lot of in the world at the moment. Instead use them as a means of living, loving, giving, healing and sharing and realising your full potential as loving, sexual beings.
If you don’t currently have someone to share with, then see this phase of your life as an opportunity for growth. Develop your capabilities to be more present, to be more attuned, free yourself of some of the pain that may be holding you back, so that when Mr or Miss Right comes along (I would prefer to say Mr or Miss Relevant), then you will be more capable of letting them be the vehicle of your fulfilment, rather than the Band-Aid to your deep need. And if you’re currently dating and wish to get our top tips on avoiding \’date fright’, then have a read so you can woo your potential mate with all the charm and unaffected grace of someone who is tapped into the field of love and consciousness that unites us all.